Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
