and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
