Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
