They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
