white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Damn victory sex feels great
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
