it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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