you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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