first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
