Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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