im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
