I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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