How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
