oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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