And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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