new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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