wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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