My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
