So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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