I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
