just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
