Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
