I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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