she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
