My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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