Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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