Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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