My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
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I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
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I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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