Are we in a gay sports bar?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
