sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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