I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
