You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
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i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
3 2 1 whiskey
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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