the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
