FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
