dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
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I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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