I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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