What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
