My brain says no but my pants say off.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
