she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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