My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you traded sex for a burrito?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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