I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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