Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i love accidental penises.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
