I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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