to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
