Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
try to milk me bitch
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
