Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
