Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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