there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
