your thong is hanging out like whoa
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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