Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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