Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
