what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
