Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
