I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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