I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
