i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
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The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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