You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
