Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
